Andrew Warnes on Big Decisions, Big Stress: “What’s Your Deal Breaker?”
Or,
Big Decision Big Stress, Minor Decision No stress — Deal Breaker
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about decision-making—because, honestly, it’s a circus act. Big decisions? You’re the tightrope walker with no net, sweating bullets, hoping the wind doesn’t blow. Little decisions? You’re juggling scarves, and even if you drop one, who cares? No one’s judging your scarf game.
So, picture this: a woman calls me up the other night. She’s been married for 32 years. That’s not just a marriage—that’s a mortgage, three kids, and enough arguments over what’s for dinner to fill an encyclopedia. She’s at her wit’s end. “I can’t do it anymore!” she cries. And I’m thinking, “Was it the way he chews? It’s always the chewing.”
She’s heard all the horror stories about divorce: custody battles, court cases, and, of course, the children. Oh, the children! Especially her middle one. He’s quiet, withdrawn, overthinking everything, and openly gay. Basically, he’s a Broadway musical waiting to happen, but for now, he’s stressed.
And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance—her marriage vows. “For better or worse,” she said. But no one warned her, "For better or until he leaves his socks on the floor for 32 years straight.”
The Big Question
After the reading, I sat down with a glass of wine (okay, a bottle) and thought, “How do you reconcile this stuff? Marriage, kids, vows, divorce—it’s like a game of Twister for your soul.” And then it hit me: it’s not about reconciling everything. It’s about asking yourself one simple question: “Is this right for me?”
But here’s the kicker: we complicate the hell out of everything. We overthink. We stew. We obsess. And suddenly, deciding to leave a marriage feels like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube while blindfolded, on fire, and being chased by rabid wombats.
Breaking It Down
So here’s the deal, folks. Big decisions? You don’t eat the whole steak in one bite, do you? (Unless you’re my cousin, Lenny—he’s a legend but not a role model.) You take it piece by piece—bite-sized chunks.
For this lovely woman, all she needed to figure out was her deal breaker. What’s the one thing she cannot, will not, absolutely refuses to compromise on? It’s not about the vows, the kids, or what her neighbour Brenda will say at book club. It’s about her.
Let’s Get Real
Think about it: whether it’s leaving a marriage, quitting a job, or deciding between coffee and tea (let’s be honest, it’s coffee), you need to know your deal breaker. What’s the line in the sand? The “Nope, I’m outta here” moment?
Because, sweetheart, stress isn’t about the size of the decision—it’s about how much crap you pile on top of it. Minor decision? Easy-peasy. Big decision? That’s when the stakes get high, and the stress levels hit DEFCON 1.
Call to Action: Find Your Deal Breaker
So here’s what I want you to do. Next time you’re faced with a big, hairy, terrifying decision, ask yourself:
- What’s my deal breaker?
- Is this right for me?
And if the answer isn’t clear, take a deep breath, pour yourself a drink, and remember: you don’t have to solve everything at once. Just take one step forward.
Because life’s too short to stay stuck, and if it’s not right for you, darling, it’s time to say, “Thanks for the memories,” and move on.
Now, go forth, make those decisions, and remember: no matter what, you’re gonna be okay.
Love ya!
Cue jazz hands and a dramatic exit!
We have another way of looking at decision-making by reframing it into a choice. Check out the blog.
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