Could you let me know if you are accountable for what you say? Do you give a Straight Answer?
It’s interesting how things come back to haunt us. A few years ago, my personal development coach challenged me on a word I used. I used the term “You” instead of “I”. A couple of days ago, my coach’s voice rang in my ears as I was doing a psychic reading. I neglected to remember to use a straight answer and confident voice.
It all came about when I crewed for my fantastic coach, Kurek Ashley, at his Sydney Life to The Max workshop. As a crew member, I got to participate and help in the workshop. There are many things I know I hear repeatedly, and I know I need to get the message the first time. Unfortunately, I’m stubborn, so it was more like ‘getting’ it the 5th time around. To set the scene for you, Kurek was talking about goal setting. He explained that for a goal to hit home, it has to be burnt into our psyche. This is easy by calling or saying the goal out loud. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t go into too much detail because you understand the principle.
At this point, I stood up and asked Kurek, “When you read out your goals etc., how do you get past the self-consciousness of actually reading them out?”.
An Active Voice is a Confident Voice
That question caused Kurek to jump straight onto me. I thought he was about to talk about my question. He didn’t. He jumped at me because I used externalised my question to him by using “YOU”. I was not being accountable for myself and not asking a straightforward 
question. If I had been empowered, I would have asked, “Kurek, when I read out my goals, how do I get past my self-consciousness when I read them out?”.
In grammar, I asked my original question passively when I would have sounded so much better to ask the question in an active voice.
The Difference
Is there any difference? Yes, there is. I didn’t own my question. I was not confident in asking the question.
How many times a day do you smooth over a request by being ambiguous in asking a question?
Ask Questions Confidently and be Accountable
When you ask a question in a soft, passive, you do it because you don’t want to hurt another person’s feelings. But the truth is you do hurt feelings, and you hurt them more by being indecisive. This is because your question is not straight, and when asked, you don’t give a straight answer.
He’s an accountable talk scenario we’ve all been in.
You’re home on a Friday night, and you ask your spouse what they want for dinner. Your spouse answers, “Fish”. What do you do, especially if you don’t want fish? You want Thai food. Do you tell your spouse you want Thai food?
Why did you ask what your spouse wanted in the first place? When a more powerful statement would be, “I want to cook Thai tonight; how is that with you?”
Indecision is a curse in our society. I spent years being this way. I think I’ve been one of the worst protagonists in not being accountable for what I say and how I talk. It stopped me from jumping out, trying things that could have failed, and going for what I wanted. All because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, including those close to me.
What do I do now?
Use a Confident Voice
People ask me to do something I don’t want to do; I say “No”. I don’t give a reason because I don’t need to. The reason is none of their business. I never say ‘sorry’ if I’ve done nothing wrong. Saying “No.” to someone is not doing anything wrong; all I’m doing is saying “NO”.
This is very simple and to the point.
Call to action
Over the next few days, someone will ask you for something or ask you to do something. What and how will you be able to answer? Please remember to confidently write your answer and be accountable for what you say.
I hope you have the best outstanding day.
More on Kurek Ashley, click here.
