He Climbed into His Cave | Man in His Cave | Tricks of the Trade to Climb Out of His Cave

There’s crap going on. I know it. You know it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. The man has always climbed into his cave; women do too. He’s a part of the crap, and I’m a part of it too. You can run, hide, and climb into your cave (just like I did one day last week). You do this to drop out and hope the crap goes away (and it will for a day or so), or you can confront it and have him climb out of his cave. I’ll mention the tricks of the trade later.

I Had a Dumb Man in His Cave Story

I foolishly tried to outrun my crappy stuff last week. I did what most blokes do and climbed into my cave for a day or so. When your man is in his cave, it’s a very male thing to do. I used to think it was a cop-out when men did this. I’m not going to explain my dumb story now.

Men are From Mars

Most men, as we know, climb into their cave when they’re threatened emotionally. John Gray, the author, popularised the phenomenon in his book “Men Are from Mars, and Women Are from Venus” back in the 1990s, and people joke and trivialise not only that book but also men who move away into their own space from time to time.

I think that’s wrong because, essentially, Gray was onto something. Guys step off into their cave for a reason, essentially because it allows them to slow down and think about what’s going on for them emotionally. Unfortunately, many guys cannot examine their emotions and emerge from their cave without resolving anything. They tend to believe that the element of time helped their emotional drama glue. They failed to realise their feelings of sadness, anger and despair didn’t dissolve and disappear; they just got buried deeper!

Times are Changing

Things are changing, though. Many men resolve their emotional drama while in their cave and frequently emerge and talk about it to their partners. This is great, and it’s on the increase. If you’re one of these guys, well done. If you’re the partner of one of these guys, congratulate your man for working on himself in this way.

Climbed into your Cave | Man is in His Cave | Tricks of the Trade | Climb Out of His Cave

That’s the good news.

What could be better are the guys who disappear for too long, and nothing changes when he does climb out of his cave. These guys are looking for a holy grail. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t exist.

Guess what, guys! You have done everything correctly; all you’ve done is take on some emotional stuff that you need to be equipped to handle. You climbed into your cave to sort it out in your own time. You don’t have to apologise for anything; you only need to be responsible for your behaviour and not blame others for how you feel.

I nearly did this last week. I became so absorbed in my “stuff” that I started to blame others for how I felt. When I ‘got it’, I realised I was a man in his cave for 24 hours longer than necessary. I only escaped because of the internal messages that came to me in my meditation.

That’s how easy it is to remain in this space. Remember, when you’re in your cave, you may momentarily feel safe, but you’ve inadvertently closed yourself off from your environment and your loved ones.

Tricks of the Trade.

Here are your Tricks of the trade.

  1. When you find yourself emotionally withdrawn, you’re likely to be in your cave—be aware that’s where you are.
  2. By all means, climb into your shelter if you need to—it’s an opportunity to think things through.
  3. Get out when you can. Don’t stay too long—you will get hungry!
  4. If your man is in his cave, don’t make fun of him. He’ll last longer because he’ll get angry that people are fussing over him or laughing at him.
  5. Help him by not challenging him about how he’s feeling or telling him how to live his life—he already knows where he’s at; he needs time to think.
  6. The way to help your man is to challenge him if he’s locked himself away for too long.


Lastly, the best tip of all!

You’ve climbed into your cave, aware you’re there, resolved most of your stuff, and it’s time to come out. And you need more time to be ready.  What do you do?

Could you make it until you make it?

Pump yourself, feel great, laugh, smile, and do something nice for your partner (no, you don’t have to apologise, after all, you’ve done nothing wrong). Feel fantastic.

Anger Management : Is there a Place for Anger : Why is anger bad?

Heal Yourself — No Pain — Pain Purpose

Who Pays the Piper : Internal Dialogue : Power Questions