Why you can’t be friends with your ex : After a Break Up : Friendly but not Friends
I hear it all the time, “I’ve split from my ex-partner and now we’ve agreed that we would like to be friends!”. Or, “We’ve split, do you thing we will be friends?” The answer to both is a flat NO, It won’t work. Unless the two of you set up boundaries and guidelines about what that friendship looks like and what you want from it. That is rare, and it’s likely to fail. You think you can be grown up and mature, it’s likely you can’t be.
Why You Can’t be Friends With Your Ex
You can’t be friends with your ex-partner because you can’t control your emotions—very few people can. Your relationship was an emotional relationship, it wasn’t like a relationship with a colleague or friend.
Get it into your mind that the relationship is finished, 100%. Then every time you meet up, be nice to each other. Nice means smiling, short conversations, not prying into the other’s life—in other words you are friendly but not friends.
Get into the growth mind phase of thinking of the good things about that relationship. Think about those special moments when you felt like you were a flower in a secret garden. Smile a lot, remember that relationship was a beautiful flower, not a weed.
One day, you may become friends—not yet. When all your grieving is done, thoughts of him (or her) are gone, opinions about him or her as a person have moderated. In other words, you’re no longer pissed off and angry with him for what he did or didn’t do. Then you can maybe look to being friends. Guess what, by then you may not even want to be friends.
Friendly But Not Friends.
There’s only one way to operate if you need to talk to your ex-partner. That is to be friendly but not friends. Is there stuff to be resolved? Things like, who takes the dog, you need to pick up stuff from his place, or he needs to pick up things from your place. Your biggest challenge after a break up is if you have children. Being friendly but not friends is imperative because your children have to be picked up and dropped off. You need to learn how to happily relay information about your children.
Work it out by being friendly. Do not hug him or her, and do not offer or accept a coffee or drink. That’s what friends do Remember, you’re being friendly. Smile a lot because that’s what you do when you’re being friendly—like counter staff in a shop.
That’s all there is to it.
When you’re smiling and nice you automatically portray a new image of yourself. Before you know it, your ex-partner will mirror you because he/she becomes more comfortable. You become cheery and happy, he/she begins to soften. It’s as easy as that.
Psychic Andrew Warnes