Climbed into his Cave | Man is in His Cave | Tricks of the Trade | Climb Out of His Cave

There’s crap going on. I know it. You know it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. The man has always climbed into his cave, women do too. He’s a part of the crap and I’m a part of it to. You can run and hide and climb into your cave (just like I did one day last week). You do this to drop out and hope the crap goes goes away (and it will for a day or so), or you can confront it and get have him climb out of his cave. I’ll mention the tricks of the trade later.

I Had a Dumb Man in His Cave Story

I foolishly tried to outrun my crappy stuff last week. I did what most blokes do and climbed into my cave for a day or so. When your man is in his cave it’s a very male thing to do. I used to think it was a cop-out when men did this. I’m not going to explain my dumb story now.

Men are From Mars

Most men, as we know, climb into their cave when they’re threatened emotionally. John Gray, the author, popularised the phenomenon in his book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” back in the 1990s and people joke and trivialise not only that book but also men who move away into their own space from time to time.

I think that’s wrong because essentially Gray was onto something. Guys step off into their cave for a reason and it’s essentially because it gives them an opportunity to slow down and think about what’s going on for them emotionally. Unfortunately, many guys aren’t adept at examining their emotions and emerge from their cave without resolving anything. They tend to believe that it was the element of time that helped their emotional drama glue. They failed to realise their feelings of sadness, anger and despair didn’t dissolve and disappear, they just got buried deeper!

Times are Changing

Things are changing though. Many men do resolve their emotional drama while in their cave and they frequently emerge and talk about it to their partners. This is great and I think it’s on the increase. If you’re one of these guys, well done. If you’re the partner of one of these guys, congratulate your man for working on himself in this way.

Climbed into your Cave | Man is in His Cave | Tricks of the Trade | Climb Out of His Cave

That’s the good news.

What’s not so good are the guys who disappear for too long and when he does  climb out of his cave, nothing has changed. These are the guys who are looking for a holy grail, unfortunately it doesn’t exist.

Guess what guys! You haven’t done anything wrong, all you’ve done is take on some emotional stuff that you’re ill-equipped to handle. You climbed into your cave to sort it out in your own time. You don’t have to apologise for anything, all you need do is be responsible for your own behaviour and don’t blame others for how you feel.

I nearly did this last week. I became so absorbed in my own “stuff” that I started to blame others for the way I felt. When I ‘got it’, I realised I was a man in his cave for a good 24 hours longer than necessary. I only escaped because of the internal messages that came to me in my meditation.

That’s how easy it is to remain in this space. Remember, when you’re in your cave, you may momentarily feel safe, but what you’ve inadvertently done is closed yourself off from your environment and your loved ones.

Tricks of the Trade.

Here are your Tricks of the trade.

  1. When you find yourself emotionally withdrawn, you’re likely to be in your cave—be aware that’s where you are.
  2. By all means, climb into your cave if you feel you need to—it’s an opportunity to think things through.
  3. Get out when you can. Don’t stay too long—you will get hungry!
  4. If your man is in his cave, don’t make fun of him. He’ll stay longer because he’ll get angry that people are fussing over him or laughing at him.
  5. Help him by not challenging him about how he’s feeling or telling him how to live his life—he already knows where he’s at, he just needs time to think.
  6. The way to help your man is to challenge him if he’s locked himself away for too long.

 

Lastly, the best tip of all!

You’ve climbed into your cave, you’re aware you’re there, you’ve resolved most of your stuff and it’s time to come out. And you’re not quite ready.  What do you do?

Fake it until you make it.

Pump yourself, feel great, laugh, smile, do something nice for your partner (no you don’t have to apologise, after all you’ve done nothing wrong). Feel fantastic.

Anger Management : Is there a Place for Anger : Why is anger bad?

Heal Yourself — No Pain — Pain Purpose

Who Pays the Piper? Internal Dialogue : Power Questions