Do you engage people when you talk to them? When you’re having a coffee with a friend, is your friend the type who looks around at all the other people coming and going and does not look at you?
We’ve all been in this situation and it’s annoying isn’t it, maybe you’ve found yourself doing it. If you have done it perhaps it was because you didn’t really want to be there or maybe it was the conversation itself. It just didn’t grab you and keep you enthralled.
I remember years ago when my partner, at the time, and I were visiting by brother and we were in a hotel having a meal. My brother was looking around at others so much that he couldn’t hold onto the conversation he was dominating. It was not an enjoyable experience.
The challenge when we engage people is that we are afraid of staring at them too much and driving them away for us. There is, however, a big difference between engaging someone and staring and we do need to learn what is appropriate for a particular situation.
I remember a lovely story BNI owner and CEO Ivan Misner tells about when his teenage son accompanied him to a conference where Richard Branson was a speaker. Richard engaged Ivan’s son in a conversation for about 15 minutes and he focussed his attention onto Ivan’s son the whole time. Never once did his eyes waiver to anyone else in the crowded auditorium. Richard Branson had clearly worked on himself in this respect.
Now, when you actively engage someone, that is to practice engaging, it’s challenging. You’ll feel self conscious and at times you’ll feel as though you’re loosing the gist of the conversation, don’t worry about this, it okay. Just concentrate on looking the person in the eye, use nodding gestures, the normal mm’s and um’s, and smiles; don’t forget to smile.
You’ll get used to it.
Lastly, when you engage someone you’ll wonder what eye to look into. This will come naturally to you after a while and it depends on who you’re talking to and what your talking about. As a general rule-of-thumb if you’re talking to a woman you’ll tend to look into her left eye and a male into his right. But that is a very general rule and really depends on what or who you’re talking about. Certainly, in my coaching, I spend a lot of time looking into my client’s left eye because we’re talking about very personal things in their lives and this, for me, is a way to engage them.
What is your call to action?
Engage people when you meet them. Make them think they are the only person in the world who exists, especially if you’re both standing or it’s a one-to-one meeting such as a cup of coffee or meal. Look them in the eye when you talk to them.
And they will love you for it. They will also remember you over other people.
PS A final little trick. If you’re having a coffee or a meal with someone and you’re feeling you’re being distracted and find it hard to engage, ask to move to another table or change seats. Admit to your guest that you’re being distracted and you would like to move. This may well be the wow factor your friend or client is looking for in you. Imagine if someone did that to you, you’d feel pretty special wouldn’t you.
Have the best outstanding day.

Andrew

 

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Andrew WarnesIntuitive Success CoachingIntuitive Life Readings
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