Win Him Back
A Step by Step Guide to Avoiding Separation
After years of doing psychic readings, patterns form, especially relationship patterns. In my head I compile ideas and systems and in the tarot reading revelations bubble to the surface. Next comes feedback—from people I have helped, sometimes years ago. The sensational thing about feedback is that, “Remember when you said…….!” moment. Of course I don’t remember the moment or specifics—the client reminds me—but the substance somehow becomes hardwired for me. This is where “Win Him Back” came from.
People are not specific about when things don’t work; BUT, they’re right onto the things that do work because it’s so noteworthy for them especially a relationship issue like win him back.
What I build up is a set of actions that work.
We’re talking real relationships—typically longer term—not your six month fling. For us, it’s three years or more.
Here’s an example of a story…..
She came to me convinced that her relationship was dead and there was no resurrecting it. All she needed to do was work out how to leave, where to go and when would be the best time to go. There was one small snag—she still loved her man—the problem was that they had drifted apart. She was troubled by the things she couldn’t see or imagine, things like—would she survive financially, would she meet someone else to share her life with, and how to cope with loneliness. She admitted these are not insurmountable challenges, but challenges all the same.
Roll on a few years and things turned out more to do with what I told her than what she thought would happen. And that was where she was stuck—she didn’t want to hear what I told her—it all seemed too simple. What she wanted and expected was a drastic change and she wanted it all to be done for her. She wanted a saviour.
You see, I told her that somehow she would stay with her husband, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She just couldn’t see how he would change; after all, in her words “it’s all up to him!”
Then the shock, he left her. He, as they say in the ball game, snookered her. She wasn’t expecting that and she was sure he was having an affair with another woman. This he always denied (and I, as her psychic, believed him). Of course, her big thing came up how can she win him back?
After he left she went into complete melt-down. Boxes of tissues consumed, no sleep, days off work, the whole thing.
Her break-through moment came after she listened to her psychic reading audio recording—something popped. She told me later that for the first time she really heard what I was saying. Things like…..
- “This is about you, not him”
- “Only you can change this situation”
- “You over-think everything”
- “You try to make decisions instead of choosing what you want”
The thing that really resonated with her was “Only you can change this situation!”.
Plotting and Planning to Win Him Back
This was the day she stopped crying and started plotting. No, not plotting to get even, plotting to get her husband back. And here’s where the story gets interesting and it overwhelmed me because I didn’t think this woman had it in her to step up so high.
That quote, “Only you can change this situation!” led her to ask herself the biggest question of her life.
“What do I really want?”
She said it took weeks to answer this question because initially, she couldn’t be specific. Then she got it…..
“What I really want is to mature and grow old with Philip!”. Doesn’t get much simpler than that!
Now it’s your turn and you have to answer the big question.
Do you want your man back?
First, you (truthfully) answer the question above, then you plot to win him back.
Your Plot to Win Him Back
You must choose to have your man in your life—100%. There’s no decision here, it’s a 100% choice. You’ll then put a plan in place that will involve 100% effort and enormous risk. You don’t even know the steps, until now.
You are going to follow this method and you’ll do it by breaking things down into the smallest steps you can. Your preliminary steps include a trip to your local stationer and buying a large pad of butcher’s paper, felt pens, sticky labels, post-it notes, blu-tack etc. Next you’ll find a place to work, select music, coffee/tea etc. Now we’re ready.
You’re going to jot down anything and everything which ever works for you—mind-maps, scribbles, drawings, cut-outs, pictures, bullet points, lists—the lot, including a dream board.
#1 : Who am I?
Answer these questions to win him back….
Who am I really? What motivates me? What got me into all this? What are my habits? What sort of personality am I? What does my horoscope say about me—the good bits, the bad bits? Do I always have to be right? Do I let my husband make decisions? Do I let my sexuality shine through? Do I love and appreciate my beauty? How do I captivate others? Do expect too much of others? Hopes? Dreams? Desires? Strengths? Weaknesses? Do I overthink things? Do I relax? How do I relax?
Most of these are yes/no questions, and they need to be expanded so you can find out what he, your husband, doesn’t like about you—makes him want to leave you or makes you want to leave him.
#2 : Who is he?
This is similar to step # 1, except it’s for him. To win him back takes research. You think you know him, but you likely don’t.
You need to talk to his family, friends, and his work colleagues to get their take on him. You do this because much of what you know about him, like you, has become blind to you—it’s rested deeply within your subconscious. It’s things like….
- Personality type
- What motivates him
- Things he loves
- Things he doesn’t like
- What he hates
- Hopes, dreams, desires
- Things/stories about his childhood (did you ever bother to find out?)
- Is he an over-protector
- Do you feel like he is over controlling? If so, why is he like this?
You’ll be amazed at what you find and you’ll be amazed at how good you feel when you do this.
Remember, it’s all positive stuff. If you’re getting negative feelings, stop and come back to it later.
#3 : What went wrong?
This is all about you, not him. If you are in the frame-of-mind of blaming him, his mother, work or anything external to you, STOP, re-focus back to you.
What hurtful, spiteful things did you say and do?
How did you shut him down?
Do you understand him as a man? What don’t you understand about him as a man?
How did you destroy the relationship?
Why did he shut you out?
What was competitive about the relationship?
What were/are the really good things about the relationship?
What happened when things started to go bad? Who shut down? Who got angry? Who got emotional? Who got sad?
Remember all these things are about you, not him. You’re looking from your perspective, not his. We all know he did things wrong too, that’s not the issue.
#4 : Identify What You Need To Do to Win Him Back.
This is where you identify what you really want. Remember, it’s the answer to the question above, “What I really want is…..”.
You have to do a couple of things to acknowledge what you want and this is easy because you’ve examined yourself and you know a lot more about him. It’s not everything or exhaustive, but it’s enough. Here are your two specific criteria…..
- Allow him to understand, from his perspective, that you made mistakes and you want to rebuild and that you really want him in your life.“Honey, what I really want is you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to have you in my life.”
The mistakes can be explained by you being genuinely sorry and remorseful for what has happened. On the other hand, any explanation must be balanced, you don’t want to loose your power.
- You will prove to him and yourself that you will improve.
And you will do this because you want to improve and evolve to become a better person anyway (why would you do all this work if you weren’t about to become a better person).
Here’s the rub.
Identifying and dumping these two actions has to be done in a way he understands—never loose sight of the fact that he is a man and he sees the world in a different way than you do. People interpret, assimilate and process information in their own way—it’s not up to you to judge it, you need to be aware of it.
Step #5 : Do The Business to Win Him Back
This is the last step and it’s actually a part of a revolving process of trial and error.
Grab your list, and select an issue. Discuss it with him and admit that you realise you almost always need to be right, overthink thinks, do everything, make all decisions, lock him out etc. Apologise for being like this (Part A, above) and come up with a remedy of how you’ll improve (Part B) and then spend time proving to him that you’ve changed.
As you can see, identifying what you need to do is actually a process of working through issues. You’ve got your ammunition about him (and you), analyse it, work out what you want to work on and list it down.
This is a slow process, do not discuss too many things on your list at once—1 or 2 only. Then work on them.
It’s important that during this process you remain on top of things. Be happy, engaging, interested in him, loving, nurturing, and not teary, emotional or angry—remember, he’s a man and he doesn’t do the emotional teary, anger thing well—to him, that’s something that he can’t cope with and if he’s not coping, he feels he’s not good enough.
Even if you only progress through these steps once, covering one or two issues, you’ll still win, and it’s a better than even chance you’ll win your guy back into your life.
Psychic Andrew Warnes
There is another way to look at this. Check out this blog.
Of course, Your Tango has a different slant on this story here.
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